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The current year marks a full decade since the term “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the notion that someone could instantly end contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. How naive we were. In the decade since, navigating toward a partner has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes fruitless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Generation Z, a generation who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your mental fortitude.

Below is a extensive breakdown to the phrases gen Z is using to discuss love, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Genuineness – According to gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test loosely based on a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is interested or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to seeking out someone who aids you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people connect while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who forgo parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Personal quirks suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks confirm your choice to date a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, largely benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band many young men is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that instantly shut down any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic display.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {