Nighttime Comics Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Television's leading comedians devoted their broadcast mocking President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa initiative, dubbed the "gold card," portraying it as a obvious pay-for-access arrangement for the affluent.

Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical holiday jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... spoils each thing he handles."

The focus was the controversial program which enables foreign individuals to purchase U.S. legal status for the price of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for 5 million. An official website promises approval "faster than ever."

"A quick message for you to rich applicants: prior to you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the program is also designed to "squeeze cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring large payments. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your selection – if it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"The most thorough background check the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants completely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent foreigners to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging approval ratings during economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a attempt to discuss prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning news coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.