These Phrases from A Dad Which Rescued Us as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the reality soon became "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her chief support while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The simple words "You're not in a good spot. You require assistance. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a wider failure to communicate between men, who still absorb damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a pause - spending a short trip away, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. Examples include exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their pain, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I believe my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."